I was watching...and still am Mom!

Be kind, you said;

I saw how you sewed masks for healthcare workers, made care packages for people in need, and quietly left pieces of art to brighten a stranger's day.

Be confident, you said;

I saw your confidence in everything you did/do, and even when it wasn’t truly there, I saw you be confident for me.

Work hard, you said;

I saw you work so, so hard for years to feed and clothe three kids.

Get an education, you said;

I saw you nail your RN degree at an age when most were winding down their careers.

Don’t be afraid to try new things, you said;

I saw you reinvent yourself so many times, all to be your best self.

Be patient, you said;

I saw you patient with…everyone.

Be generous, you said;

I saw you give up so much to make sure we had what we needed and sometimes wanted.

Don’t quit, you said;

I saw you push through some of the toughest experiences and come out stronger on the other side.

Be grateful, you said;

I saw you always look for the silver lining, seek ways to turn negative into positive, see the best in people and situations, and turn what you had into enough.

Words are nothing without action behind them.

I am who I am today because of you.

Because you showed me...

right vs. wrong

kind vs. evil

strong vs. weak

love vs. hate

What a gift to have you as my Mom.

4.44

Today should have been the 20^th running of the OKCMemorial Marathon, but like many other races, it was postponed.  Instead, we headed to the local park to run as many loops (~2.75 miles) as we needed.  Not wanted…..needed.

4.44 miles was the moment during my run this morning when everything clicked.  I intentionally ignored my watch this morning, because my goal was to crash through the 4-mile barrier I’ve slowly built up the last couple of months and find that feeling you only get when you run long.

Mission accomplished.  Today’s 9-mile run was the longest I’ve run since March 1^st.  Since then, I’ve been hanging out way too long in 4 mile-ville; at that, the frequency has been sporadic at best.

Here’s what I re-discovered by breaking through the 4-mile barrier:

• I haven’t felt this calm in months.  Work has been insane, and although I’m grateful to have a job, I’ve allowed running/fitness/health to take a back seat.
• I realized I was smiling only after a passerby commented on it.  I wasn’t even aware that I was smiling, but yes, there it was.  From deep inside.
• The result of the usual insomnia really doesn’t take much toll on my run.  Mentally, it’s harder to get out of bed, but once moving, I’d forgotten about the sleep deficit.
• By not focusing on my pace (always easier said than done), I was able to run farther.  And feel more positive about it.
• It can be powerful when you head out with intention.  Sometimes you run just to move and feel alive.  But most times, if you head out with intention, it’s a lot easier to feel successful at the end of it.

The final thing I re-discovered is that I need to run.  Plain and simple.  Running continues to provide me with the feeling of belonging in a community that embraces each other (from a distance of course!), with goals to strive for and crush that feed my confidence, and with the endorphins that bring with a sense of peace that makes everything feel more achievable.

And because I love junk food.  There's also that.

What will be the new normal?

I hear we’re not even at peak yet with this awful Coronavirus.  With most of us following social distancing guidelines for several weeks now, I can’t help but wonder what post-Coronavirus world will look like?  

Here are a few things I hope will continue post-Coronavirus crisis:

• Cute puppy pictures, memes, and videos.  I mean, how can you not feel good when you see those!

• Uptick in dog fostering.  They need us; we need them.

• The new population of people who are walking and playing outside.  There is no doubt there are a lot more people getting outdoors.

• A much more collaborative spirit at work.  Any of us can be one step away from unemployment.  Knowing we’re each picking up slack for the other makes the job feel less daunting and less stressful.

• Check ins by friends, family, and coworkers.  I’ve checked in on many; I’ve been touched when someone checks on me.

• Continued care for our elderly.  The creative ways people have “visited” their elders in nursing homes has been heartwarming.

• Continued acts of philanthropy.  Hopefully, we won’t always have to worry about masks and PPEs, but there will always be something.

• Openly grateful acts towards healthcare workers and frankly all workers who are able and willing to continue serving us.

• Realization that we do need each other.

• The power of a hug.

Control

We all crave control.  Control what we eat, what we purchase, what we do for work, and so on.  What happens when we lose control?  Fear.  Anxiety.  Stress.

This coronavirus and subsequent economic crash combined are testing every bit of control we ever thought we had.  But is it really that different from pre-crisis time?

Every day, we live our lives like it’s our last day on earth, right?  No, not really.  Some of us do, but most of us try really hard.  We take things and people for granted.  It’s natural.  Until that thing or person is suddenly gone.  Today, a lot of that control is indeed gone or severely limited.

But here’s another way to think about it:  living through coronavirus and economic crash is still living each day as if it could be our last.  It may require even more effort, but this hasn’t changed.

If I head to the food store pre-crisis, I expect to buy all the food and product I desire.  If I see a product out of stock, I’m surprised, but I move on and either find a replacement or do without for that day/week.  If I head to the food store now, I don’t know what I will encounter.  The store could have empty shelves or people fighting over toilet paper.  So, the control is severely challenged right down to the most granular level.

But there are things we can still control –

• We can control our thoughts.
• We can control our words.
• We can control our behaviors.
• We can control how we treat ourselves and others.
• We can control being creative with what we do have.
• We can control what we do while contributing to social distancing.
• We can control the amount of news we watch.
• We can control our expectations.

Whenever my last day is on this Earth, I don’t want to be stressed or rude or angry.  I don’t want to waste the time or energy upset of what’s happening around me or to me.  I want to listen to good music.  I want to enjoy a glass of wine (and if I run out and can’t get any when I want to, a glass of Gatorade – in a wine glass).  I want to enjoy writing in my blog. I want to celebrate friends’ birthdays – even if over Facebook.  I want to FaceTime with friends and family. I want to look forward to our nephew’s wedding. I want to look forward to times with the new-ish babies in our family.  I want to enjoy walks with Bella.  I want to enjoy another Oklahoma sunset while I live here.  I want to be silly.  I want to laugh. 

This does not discount or minimize the harsh realities people are facing, but realizing I have control of some things is good enough for me.

Bonita Springs, FL

Some Positives from Social Distancing

The world is scary right now.  People are sick, dying, isolated, afraid.  So many are losing their jobs, so add ‘desperate’ to that list.  This is serious.  COVID-19 is a beast that is changing the way we live, work, and socialize. 

Social distancing is likely to become the phrase of the year – maybe even the decade.  I personally don’t mind it too much; my job can easily be done at home and I always have a puzzle going.  #homebody.  This social distancing isn’t so easy for many of you with children or with jobs that can’t be done from home.  And for most, it’s only been a week or so.  It will get old.

I expect that most of us will get annoyed eventually, argue with our spouses, yell at our kids or dogs, BUT for now, here’s what I’ve been seeing either in my own neighborhood or via Facebook/Insta posts –

• More people are out walking or playing with their kids in their driveways or yards
• Couples dancing in their kitchens
• Families out walking in the woods
• Runners out running – solo or in groups, notably distant from one another
• Family members continuing to “visit” their elders in nursing homes through the window
• Friends checking in on one another
• Friends posting cute/funny/light posts (we all need distraction!)
• Friends spring cleaning, getting organized, etc.
• Everyone’s rediscovering games, puzzles, and just going outdoors

I hope people continue to #stayTFhome so we can flatten the curve and start the healing.  Until then, I hope this “old fashioned” way of life continues for a little while.  I hate the reason for it, but it’s a good look for us all.

Making Good Decisions

From all accounts, today’s long run should’ve been an epic fail.  I skipped every run this week.  Yes, that means my long run today was going to be my first run of the entire week.  I didn’t move much at all.  I was lazy.  Additionally, insomnia and I had a hot date last night, watching back-to-back reruns of “The Nanny”.  

Then something miraculous happened.

It wasn’t an epic fail.

At some point last night while I was wide awake, I decided I wouldn’t stress over the long run I had on my training calendar.  I decided I wouldn't waste my energy on creating excuses to lessen the mileage.  I decided I wouldn’t awaken with a feeling of dread.  I decided I would run the right pace for the distance for the right reasons.  I decided I would run happy.

So I did.

And it was beautiful.

The scenery was beautiful too.  In fact, I couldn’t stop taking pictures!  The gorgeous blue sky, the comfortable temperature, the bright shining sun, the expressive clouds, and the shimmering lake created a colorful pallet of beauty.

To add to my great experience this morning, every runner or walker I came upon was super smiley and friendly.  Two runners acknowledged my Boston Marathon jacket with a thumbs up and one other encouraged me, “You're doing great!”.  I wonder if they decided that they would be the reason someone smiles today, that they would run happy, and that they would be sure to look around and marvel at what a gorgeous day it was.

My decisions each day this past week may not have been my best, but this morning’s decisions more than made up for the past.  Fortunately, I’m not all that interested in what’s reflected in my rear view mirror, since running requires me to move in a forward direction. 

Good decisions….keep’em coming!

My SuperBowl Half Marathon

Today’s running schedule called for 12 miles.  Today’s weather called for anything outside, because… 70+ degrees in February!  Don’t be too jealous, because there is snow in the forecast.  WHATTT?

Even though I had all the time in the world (no deadlines of any kind today), I had the most perfect weather possible, and I’ve strung a few nights of good, normal sleep, I procrastinated.  And I did it in a big way:

• I watched TV
• I puzzled
• I scrolled mindlessly on social media
• I took Bella for a walk
• I made the bed
• I (eventually) got dressed to run
• I changed twice (finally landed on shorts and a light long sleeved shirt)
• I whined to Scott about my run
• I whined some more to Scott about my run

So the moral of this story?

 

I spent more time procrastinating, complaining, and whining about my long run this morning, than the time it took me to actually run the long run!

So many years and miles behind me, I still struggle with getting out the door at times.  But once I do, I feel so much better and can’t even remember the reasons I procrastinated in the first place.  The sun, the saltiness, the tired legs, the feeling of having worked hard, and the post-run smile that tells the story of a good run all keep me heading back out for the next run.

Now, about that snow forecast….