Take care of your own oxygen mask before helping others….

With all the debates about masks these days, the airlines have got it right;  take care of your own oxygen mask before helping others….

This year has been a struggle in so many ways.  Finding ourselves navigating a pandemic was not something any of us saw coming.  But even without COVID-19, life is a series of balancing acts.  Work presents challenges, relationships require work, and personal self-care often finds its place at the very bottom of our everyday life lists.

Anyone nodding?  Yep, me too.

I’ve noticed I’m falling very short in the self-care category and have been for some time now.  I’ve always struggled with balancing work life with my personal life, but the past five months or so have taken that struggle to a new level. 

Not my choice.  Or is it?

With so few things we can do, visit, and engage in this year, I, like many, have spent a lot of time at home; so, I work.  It's my default.  Starting running regularly in my 30’s helped my balance immensely.  I met new friends, joined in on running dates, joined a running club, and ran countless races.  When I chose to return to school for my bachelor’s and master’s degrees, I met more new friends and immersed myself in learning and applying my learning. I’ve been doing very little of what energizes or inspires me.  And I miss it. 

Worse, all this non-stop working is distracting me from other self-care opportunities: 

• Getting enough sleep
• Practicing good nutrition
• Connecting with friends & family regularly
• Remembering and participating in important dates/events
• Puzzling
• Reading
• Writing in my blog

If I expect to be a good/happy/balanced person, wife, daughter, friend, and coworker, I need to take better care of myself.  I have people to care for and take that very seriously.  So why not take self-care seriously?  Why do we so often give up or leave for last the very thing we need most to get through our good days and our bad days?

This day, Saturday, I choose to put self-care back up at the top of my list.  So, I am applying my oxygen mask before helping others;  a walk with Bella, a run outside, a healthy lunch, and...a page in my blog.

How do YOU self-care?

11,692 steps to a new attitude

A week and a half have passed since my last run.  I walk daily, sometimes multiples times, driven by Bella’s needs.  But run?  Meh.  These days of COVID, of work stress, and insomnia have left me dreaming of being a runner again (when I do actually sleep).  That would entail running though.  Hence, my dilemma.

I could tell immediately that my life-force was off this morning.   I had no good reason for feeling this way; it’s Saturday, it’s not 400 degrees out, and I actually slept OK last night.  Scott was already out for a run, so I grabbed Bella and took her for her “long walk”, hoping the act of moving would change my attitude.

So, since that didn’t work…..

Scott, doubling as a cheerleader and coach today, had a great idea to drive to Acadia and run some trails.  Nothing takes the pressure off a runner who hasn’t been running than trails.  No pressure to run fast, ability to get lost in the run, no external distractions….

And 11,692 steps later, I had a firm grasp of a new attitude! 

Sometimes you need a combination of things:  a husband who gets you, who leads the cheering squad for you, who is willing to run additional miles at a slower pace just to get me out there moving, and of course, cooler air is always a plus.  But ultimately, you still need to want to run.

I’ve been stuck for some time now with where running sits in my priorities, what I expect out of a run, and frankly, why I run at all.  So many years of building my miles, my pace, and my goals have left me questioning my “why”.  

While I contemplate my “why”, I’m celebrating a glorious 6 miles on trails, a clear head, a hint at a level of energy I’ve been missing, and even a desire to go back out for more tomorrow! 

Why??  Why not.

I was watching...and still am Mom!

Be kind, you said;

I saw how you sewed masks for healthcare workers, made care packages for people in need, and quietly left pieces of art to brighten a stranger's day.

Be confident, you said;

I saw your confidence in everything you did/do, and even when it wasn’t truly there, I saw you be confident for me.

Work hard, you said;

I saw you work so, so hard for years to feed and clothe three kids.

Get an education, you said;

I saw you nail your RN degree at an age when most were winding down their careers.

Don’t be afraid to try new things, you said;

I saw you reinvent yourself so many times, all to be your best self.

Be patient, you said;

I saw you patient with…everyone.

Be generous, you said;

I saw you give up so much to make sure we had what we needed and sometimes wanted.

Don’t quit, you said;

I saw you push through some of the toughest experiences and come out stronger on the other side.

Be grateful, you said;

I saw you always look for the silver lining, seek ways to turn negative into positive, see the best in people and situations, and turn what you had into enough.

Words are nothing without action behind them.

I am who I am today because of you.

Because you showed me...

right vs. wrong

kind vs. evil

strong vs. weak

love vs. hate

What a gift to have you as my Mom.

4.44

Today should have been the 20^th running of the OKCMemorial Marathon, but like many other races, it was postponed.  Instead, we headed to the local park to run as many loops (~2.75 miles) as we needed.  Not wanted…..needed.

4.44 miles was the moment during my run this morning when everything clicked.  I intentionally ignored my watch this morning, because my goal was to crash through the 4-mile barrier I’ve slowly built up the last couple of months and find that feeling you only get when you run long.

Mission accomplished.  Today’s 9-mile run was the longest I’ve run since March 1^st.  Since then, I’ve been hanging out way too long in 4 mile-ville; at that, the frequency has been sporadic at best.

Here’s what I re-discovered by breaking through the 4-mile barrier:

• I haven’t felt this calm in months.  Work has been insane, and although I’m grateful to have a job, I’ve allowed running/fitness/health to take a back seat.
• I realized I was smiling only after a passerby commented on it.  I wasn’t even aware that I was smiling, but yes, there it was.  From deep inside.
• The result of the usual insomnia really doesn’t take much toll on my run.  Mentally, it’s harder to get out of bed, but once moving, I’d forgotten about the sleep deficit.
• By not focusing on my pace (always easier said than done), I was able to run farther.  And feel more positive about it.
• It can be powerful when you head out with intention.  Sometimes you run just to move and feel alive.  But most times, if you head out with intention, it’s a lot easier to feel successful at the end of it.

The final thing I re-discovered is that I need to run.  Plain and simple.  Running continues to provide me with the feeling of belonging in a community that embraces each other (from a distance of course!), with goals to strive for and crush that feed my confidence, and with the endorphins that bring with a sense of peace that makes everything feel more achievable.

And because I love junk food.  There's also that.

What will be the new normal?

I hear we’re not even at peak yet with this awful Coronavirus.  With most of us following social distancing guidelines for several weeks now, I can’t help but wonder what post-Coronavirus world will look like?  

Here are a few things I hope will continue post-Coronavirus crisis:

• Cute puppy pictures, memes, and videos.  I mean, how can you not feel good when you see those!

• Uptick in dog fostering.  They need us; we need them.

• The new population of people who are walking and playing outside.  There is no doubt there are a lot more people getting outdoors.

• A much more collaborative spirit at work.  Any of us can be one step away from unemployment.  Knowing we’re each picking up slack for the other makes the job feel less daunting and less stressful.

• Check ins by friends, family, and coworkers.  I’ve checked in on many; I’ve been touched when someone checks on me.

• Continued care for our elderly.  The creative ways people have “visited” their elders in nursing homes has been heartwarming.

• Continued acts of philanthropy.  Hopefully, we won’t always have to worry about masks and PPEs, but there will always be something.

• Openly grateful acts towards healthcare workers and frankly all workers who are able and willing to continue serving us.

• Realization that we do need each other.

• The power of a hug.

Control

We all crave control.  Control what we eat, what we purchase, what we do for work, and so on.  What happens when we lose control?  Fear.  Anxiety.  Stress.

This coronavirus and subsequent economic crash combined are testing every bit of control we ever thought we had.  But is it really that different from pre-crisis time?

Every day, we live our lives like it’s our last day on earth, right?  No, not really.  Some of us do, but most of us try really hard.  We take things and people for granted.  It’s natural.  Until that thing or person is suddenly gone.  Today, a lot of that control is indeed gone or severely limited.

But here’s another way to think about it:  living through coronavirus and economic crash is still living each day as if it could be our last.  It may require even more effort, but this hasn’t changed.

If I head to the food store pre-crisis, I expect to buy all the food and product I desire.  If I see a product out of stock, I’m surprised, but I move on and either find a replacement or do without for that day/week.  If I head to the food store now, I don’t know what I will encounter.  The store could have empty shelves or people fighting over toilet paper.  So, the control is severely challenged right down to the most granular level.

But there are things we can still control –

• We can control our thoughts.
• We can control our words.
• We can control our behaviors.
• We can control how we treat ourselves and others.
• We can control being creative with what we do have.
• We can control what we do while contributing to social distancing.
• We can control the amount of news we watch.
• We can control our expectations.

Whenever my last day is on this Earth, I don’t want to be stressed or rude or angry.  I don’t want to waste the time or energy upset of what’s happening around me or to me.  I want to listen to good music.  I want to enjoy a glass of wine (and if I run out and can’t get any when I want to, a glass of Gatorade – in a wine glass).  I want to enjoy writing in my blog. I want to celebrate friends’ birthdays – even if over Facebook.  I want to FaceTime with friends and family. I want to look forward to our nephew’s wedding. I want to look forward to times with the new-ish babies in our family.  I want to enjoy walks with Bella.  I want to enjoy another Oklahoma sunset while I live here.  I want to be silly.  I want to laugh. 

This does not discount or minimize the harsh realities people are facing, but realizing I have control of some things is good enough for me.

Bonita Springs, FL

Some Positives from Social Distancing

The world is scary right now.  People are sick, dying, isolated, afraid.  So many are losing their jobs, so add ‘desperate’ to that list.  This is serious.  COVID-19 is a beast that is changing the way we live, work, and socialize. 

Social distancing is likely to become the phrase of the year – maybe even the decade.  I personally don’t mind it too much; my job can easily be done at home and I always have a puzzle going.  #homebody.  This social distancing isn’t so easy for many of you with children or with jobs that can’t be done from home.  And for most, it’s only been a week or so.  It will get old.

I expect that most of us will get annoyed eventually, argue with our spouses, yell at our kids or dogs, BUT for now, here’s what I’ve been seeing either in my own neighborhood or via Facebook/Insta posts –

• More people are out walking or playing with their kids in their driveways or yards
• Couples dancing in their kitchens
• Families out walking in the woods
• Runners out running – solo or in groups, notably distant from one another
• Family members continuing to “visit” their elders in nursing homes through the window
• Friends checking in on one another
• Friends posting cute/funny/light posts (we all need distraction!)
• Friends spring cleaning, getting organized, etc.
• Everyone’s rediscovering games, puzzles, and just going outdoors

I hope people continue to #stayTFhome so we can flatten the curve and start the healing.  Until then, I hope this “old fashioned” way of life continues for a little while.  I hate the reason for it, but it’s a good look for us all.