Life's little adventures, accompanied by a running watch

Thursday, May 3, 2012

“Number 2” is #1

Dear Septic Tank,
You’ve been there for us like an old friend since I moved here, quietly and dependably doing your job. We even built a lovely wishing well around you to give you some privacy and some dressing up – afterall, you do rule our universe.  We’ve always respected you and have dutifully followed all of the necessary Septic Tank rules (safe TP, yearly pumpings) to give you a long, healthy life.

Yet here we are, at a sad cross road.  I’m afraid the diagnosis is terminal; your long life has come to an end.  We could fight it and try to lengthen your already long life by taking extreme measures.  But what would that really get either of us? 

Yes, that means we’ll be spending a lot of money to replace you name your successor.  Did I say “a lot”?  I meant A LOT.  But it’ll be worth it, because like I said, you do rule our universe.  We’ll also be doing an unplanned “hard” landscaping to allow for your honorable removal.  That means I’ll be quickly moving a few flowering shrubs that have flourished in the company of your grass-is-greener real estate before the scary backhoe/bulldozer/thingamajig digs everything up.  Oh, and don’t worry about the blue paint that suddenly tattoed our lawn.  That’s just a little thing called “Dig Safe” to make sure we don’t add insult to injury and blow you sky high or drown you because of a disrupted gas or water line.  That would just be mean.

I wish I could take you to dinner as a farewell gesture.  You know, like a Septic Tank version of the last supper.  Since that’s just not possible, I’ll simply bid you farewell by honoring you in this blog.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts bottoms for decades of exhausting and unrelenting 24x7 effort.

To toast you, I will prepare a special meal to celebrate your life:  ramen noodles.  Since that’s about all we’ll be able to afford for awhile…..

Adieu old friend,
Your Adoring Family

18 comments:

  1. Oh that is a shitty deal. bahahaha! I am so funny. :)

    That really does suck though. We managed to get our old house sold before the septic shit the bed. Phew.

    new 7 year old house = septic fine for awhile.

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    1. You ARE a little bit funny :) I'm happy for your septic bliss. I don't wish this on anyone!

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  2. Bummer, I am so sorry that you have to replace it.

    And Ltlindian is hysterical!

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    1. Thanks....but yes, she is pretty funny :)

      Hey, gotta laugh at this stuff!

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  3. As someone who just had to pay a $920 ambulance bill, I feel your septic pain. (Fortunately the kid wasn't really sick--but $920 was a lot to pay to find that out.)

    For some reason I couldn't reply to your comment...but you can call me T! Lots of people have called me that too. There's a rabbi named Tirzah in Boulder--I feel like I should meet her. We're like our own little sorority.

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    1. I love your name! Hm, wondering about the comment issue....

      Sorry to hear about the ambulance $$$. Any unplanned bill is lousy. Glad kid is OK :)

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  4. Oh this is stinky! On another note, gosh I wish that Ramen was good for us...because I love it!! I don't eat it but I did in college and if it was healthy, I'd be eating it all the time!!! :) I know, that's a lot about Ramen.

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    1. I might have found a good reason for Ramen - as I flirt with the ultra distance. I think it might a good, salty concoction to be able to eat on the run. Stay tuned!

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  5. OMG, Lisa, your blog readers are hysterical! They remind me of my ATC group. Poor you. Wahh...

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    1. THey're pretty great! Love my blog peeps :)

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  6. Oh, NO!!! As much as I would love to live a litter farther from the city ... I just had a sudden swell of love for public sewage!

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    1. It's all I've ever known, but I can appreciate your love for public sewage for sure :)

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  7. Just think about how Ramen is a great pre-race meal with all that salt and carbs! :)

    Sorry about the price tag on the new tank....I can only imagine how expensive that would be. But will be so worth it in the end, yay!

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    1. Oh I totally agree! Ramen noodles rock the salt intake :)

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  8. Oh bummer!!! I hope your new one will live a long life and justify that price tag!

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    1. Thanks Mandy! It should be the LAST one we ever put in :) THat's a good thing!

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  9. Sorry to hear about the septic. :( Not a good thing to happen. I hope it ends up not costing too much.

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    1. Thanks guys, it will be quite a project, but you know as well as I do how long that sucker's lasted. So, I can't complain too much.

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